The Easter Bunny
by Cornflower12
Summary: Eowyn still believes in the Easter bunny, and it's high time she learned the truth. I know practically nothing about LOTR. A lot of things will be inaccurate.
1. Chapter 1

The Easter Bunny: Chapter One

King Theoden of Rohan was sneaking suspiciously around his home at 4:59 AM dressed as a giant, fluffy white bunny. He held a pink basket filled with shiny green and purple Easter grass and colorful plastic Easter eggs. See, his hopeless niece Eowyn stil believed in the Easter bunny, and neither Theoden or her brother Eomer had the heart to break it to her that he just. Wasn't. Real.

Eowyn was freaking 24 years old (Ha! I googled it!).

Everyone had always told King Theoden that he didn't have to go as far as to even dress in a bunny costume, since Eowyn would be sleeping when he put the basket by her bed anyway. But he was always afraid that she'd wake up while he was in there, and didn't want her to see that it was only him and break her heart.

Quiety, very _quietly_, Theoden snuck into her bedroom, where golden-haired Eowyn lay snoring loudly in bed, clutching her sword to her chest like a teddy bear. Then he placed the basket on the floor by her bed and scurried off as quickly as he could manage in that darn bunny suit.

As he ran back to his bedroom, he ran into his lovely nephew Eomer, who was on his way to the loo for an early-morning pee. "You know," said Eomer, "You're going to have to tell her soon."

"I know." sighed Theoden, taking off the creepy-looking bunny head to wipe his brow. He was sweating profusely inside the thick fleece costume. Eomer nodded seriously and went on his way.

Two hours later, he was woken again by his sister's squeals of delight. "OH! OH! LOOK WHAT THE EASTER BUNNY BROUGHT ME!" A lovely basket full of tasty morsels- rich chocolates, sweetbreads, cheeses and fruits! Eowyn's eyes bulged out. "WOW!" She laughed- showing her big, white donkey teeth. "HEE HAA HEE HA!"

Suddenly, she noticed a fat white stranger with ears darting away. Was she hallucinating? (It was actually the bunny costume-clad Theoden, who'd been so tired he's fallen asleep right there in the hallway after talking to Eomer and had only just woken up.) This time her eyes practically popped out and her mouth dropped wide open. In a heartbeat she was running after the furry stranger, screaming with joy and almost tripping over her own feet. "EASTER BUNNY! HEY, EASTER BUNNY! WAAAIT!" She chased the darn thing all over. Finally, without thinking, the "Easter bunny" darted outside and towards the town, the crazed Eowyn at his heels. "WAAAIT! STOP! Oh, this is the best Easter EVER!"

Eomer stood outside the door shaking his embarrassed head as the two figures grew smaller and smaller. "Lord help my little sister. And Lord help my uncle to live this down, too." He murmured.

That day, all the folk of the nearby town had lots to talk about concerning their King running like lightning through the town dressed as a fat white bunny while his niece chased him, elated. Yeah. And it was also the day Theoden decided to tell her.

"I must stop this mad bunny-Eowyn chase!" The royal Theoden realized how absolutely absurd he looked. The townsfolk were gawking and pointing at him. Fortunately, at that moment Eowyn ran quickly back home to get herself all nicely dressed up for the Easter bunny.

He asked them all to gather around. In an instant, they obediently and peacefully came to him. King Bunny Theoden told his story of niece and loyal uncle Conejo. He took off the bunny head and began to speak. "Er… em… ahem. People of Rohan," his face was burning up with embarrassment, " Please forgive my niece. You see, my sweet, childlike Eowyn still believes in the Easter bunny…" At that, half the crowd burst out laughing, while the other half had that look on their faces you have when you've heard someone fart and you're pretending you didn't hear. "…And every year I play Easter bunny for her. Only, this year it's gone a little too far. I am sorry. I am planning to tell her the truth later today. Thank you, kind subjects. You are dismissed."

Then he put the bunny head back on and began walking home in uncomfortable silence. Once there, he went straight to Eowyn's room. He found her in her favorite dress, excitedly combing her pale locks of hair 'till split ends formed and putting flowers in it. She held a little gift box adorned with shimmery silver ribbon.

When she saw the "Easter bunny" standing in her doorway, she just about flipped out. "Oh, Easter bunny! You came back!" She an to him and hugged him tightly. Theoden-Bunny hugged her in return, awkwardly patting her back. "I have a gift for you!" she practically shrieked, handing him the little box. Inside was a lumpy clay figure of a rabbit. _Aww! How adorable! How am I ever going to break it to her? _thought Theoden. Eowyn stared at him adoringly. Her expression was like that of a nine-year-old about to dig into a big slice of birthday cake. The bunny patted her head, and then took off his head, revealing the face of King Theoden.

Eowyn screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

The Easter Bunny: Chapter Two

Eowyn screamed and screamed and screamed. The Easter bunny had just taken off its own head! And underneath it had another head- her uncle's! WHAT?! _How?_ Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

Poor bunny-costume-clad Theoden clamped a hand over his traumatized niece's mouth. "Eowyn! Stop this screaming madness at once!" She stopped. _It speaks! _she thought. _The Theoden-headed bunny speaks! _"Good," said Theoden, "Now let's go get a nice cup of tea and have a little chat, shall we?"

He led her to the dining area. They sat down and Theoden asked a kitchen maid for two cups of peppermint tea with milk (two percent, to be exact) and sugar, which she brought out rather quickly. The entire time, Eowyn looked shell-shocked. Her expression was blank as a baby's bald white head, and her eyes were wider than saucers. Man. She was going to need therapy for a year after this.

Theoden took a long sip of tea. "Well, my dearest Eowyn," he said, setting his cup down, "It is about time I had a little talk with you. See, well… Oh, how do I put this?" Eowyn only stared at him while he thought very hard for a moment. He seemed very troubled, as if he were about to tell her something painful. At last, the King spoke again, addressing her this time by her endearing little nickname.

"Wynnie, I'm very sorry that I have never told you this. You had such a difficult childhood, and you always seemed so happy with the thought of the Easter bunny coming with gifts just for you. I just wanted so much for you to be happy, and to keep part of you safe and innocent for as long as I could. But it's time you learn that the Easter bunny is not real."

Those words hit Eowyn like a stone in the chest. "B-but… I thought you were the Easter bunny!" she stammered.

"I'm not, Wynnie. It's me, your uncle Theoden. It's only a costume." So, that's why the Easter bunny's head looked like Theoden's! Because it wasn't the Easter bunny at all! All this time, it had been her uncle. All this time, she'd been lied to. And now she'd finally made a fool of herself for believing it.

Eowyn up and ran to her room. Just before she slammed the door, Theoden thought he heard her sniffle. "Eowyn, wait!" he called, but she didn't listen. After a while, he tried to get her to come out of her room, but she wouldn't. Then Eomer tried to get her to come out, but she wouldn't listen to him either. Even the kitchen maid who'd served her and King Theoden their tea tried in vain to coax her out.

But Eowyn stayed in her room crying the entire rest of the day. She didn't even come out for her favorite meal of beans and frank. Not even for a dessert of apple pie a la mode. Eowyn of Rohan had never been so darn embarrassed.


	3. Chapter 3

The Easter Bunny: Chapter Three

_Eowyn knelt on a gently sloping hillside alive with wildflowers that nodded in the same warm breeze that made her hair and skirts flow about her. She gathered bunches of yellow dandelion flowers while long strands of sea-green grass brushed against her skirt. Everywhere, bunnies hopped and butterflies chased each other playfully. The sun shone warm in the baby blue sky._

"_Eowyn!" called a dreamy voice. Someone was calling her. "Eowyn!" She turned in the direction of the voice to see a giant, fluffy, white rabbit with a pink ribbon around its neck waving to her from across the bunny-filled meadow. In its right arm was a beautiful bouquet of colorful flowers. It was the Easter bunny!_

_She stuffed the dandelions in her pockets and ran towards the Easter bunny. He began running to her, too. Next thing she knew, the orchestral Blue Danube Waltz filled the air, and she and the Easter bunny were prancing towards each other across the meadow, caught in a dreamlike dance. They leaped and twirled with ease through the flowers like ballet-dancing unicorns. _

_Just as Eowyn extended a graceful hand to join with the Easter bunny's paw, the unseen orchestra hit a sour note. The Easter bunny whipped out a sword and proceeded to chop off its own head! It fell to the ground with a thud. Blood gushed like a fountain from its neck. When at last the horrendous red flow stopped, Eowyn saw that the bunny now had another head- the royal King Theoden's stern and regal visage._

_She heard shrill laughter behind her and turned to see a group of people laughing at her, mocking her between guffaws and pointing. NOOOOOO!_

Eowyn woke up screaming bloody murder. Panting like a dehydrated little shih-tzu, she sat bolt upright in bed.

Two weeks. It had been two whole freakin' weeks since her brother Eomer had discovered her missing the morning after Easter and then found a note taped on her door that read:

"Gone to the Shire to stay with Mr. Meriadoc Brandybuck. Lord knows how long I'll be there. Just don't expect me back anytime soon, because I don't want any of you to see my face again. Ever.

Sincerely,

Eowyn"

_Oh, dear _Eomer had thought _My poor, poor sister._

So, here she's been in the Shire, safe and secluded from the rest of the world, and living it up with her dear friend Merry Brandybuck. They'd had leisurely picnic, long walks through the countryside, visits with other hobbit friends. They'd even snuck into Frodo's house one night and stolen all his knickers. Boy, had he been mad! But that's a different story.

At that moment, Merry came rushing in. "Ahhh! Eowyn! What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, Merry. I'm fine. Go back to bed." She panted, looking rather frazzled. Then she tried to lay down again, but hit her head on the headboard. "AAACH! Darn you teeny hobbit beds!" (She was in fact sleeping in what used to be Merry's mother's room. However, Mrs. Brandybuck hadn't been able to stand her son's obnoxious, idiotic, constant humming, which forced her to move next door. Naturally, the little hobbit bed was too small for tall and slender Eowyn. Her legs hung _way _over the footboard.)

Merry only stood in the doorway watching her with a fearful look on his face. "Don't tell me you had another one of those demented rabbit dreams." the hobbit sighed.

"Yes. I did." groaned Eowyn. Merry facepalmed and shook his head. When would she ever get over this? "You know, why don't I make us a couple of hot chocolates and then we'll get back to bed?"

"That would be fantastic." said Eowyn, calmer now. She could've really used some sugar.

"Come on, then." said Merry. Eowyn ducked under the doorway and followed him to the kitchen. _Pitter patter, pitter patter _went his bare, hairy feet. She sat at the kitchen table in her robe as he stirred the hot chocolate over the stove, and then came and sat down across from her with two steaming mugs. Eowyn grabbed hers and guzzled it down in five seconds flat. Merry stared at her in shock and then served her more. The poor woman was obviously stressed.

"You know, Eowyn," said Merry after a long silence, "I think its time you face the music and go back home."

"Nooo!" shrieked Eowyn in horror. She looked at Merry as if he were crazy.

"Yes, Eowyn. It's time." he said gently. But I guess it wasn't gently enough, because before he knew it Eowyn had broken down in tears. "Don't make me! Don't make me!" were the only words he could make out from her disgusting, slimy, wet-sounding sniffles.

The hobbit reached out to pat her hand. "We all have embarrassing moments, Eowyn. Even I've had some doozies. I bet they're even worse than your dilemma here."

"No one could ever have anything more embarrassing happen to them than what's happened to me!" snurfed Eowyn.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Merry responded, "I'll tell you what. I'm going to tell you something super, duper embarrassing that happened to me that I've refused to talk about since I was five years old." He hadn't talked about it since he was five years old?! Then it must've been nasty. So, Eowyn agreed. Merry glanced around suspiciously, then leaned over and whispered his most embarrassing moment into the shieldmaiden's ear. Eowyn's eyes popped out and she gasped in disbelief. "Go ahead. Laugh." said Merry.

Before long, the two of them were laughing their heads off like hyenas. "HEE HA! HEE HA!" Eowyn laughed her boisterous donkey laugh laugh. "I was _so _embarrassed!" exclaimed Merry. "And... And did you ever get over it?" asked Eowyn.

"I did. At the time, I thought I never would. It was like the end of the world. But, yes, I did get over it. And I'm sure it will be the same with you."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Merry smiled at her. Oh, she was lovely. Her beautiful eyes of deepest blue, the way her golden hair fell over her shoulders… _Ack! Meriadoc! Stop it NOW!_

And so, with a bit more encouragement from her hobbit friend, Eowyn decided to leave for Rohan the very next day. Merry even offered to go with her for support, and she took him up on the offer. Armed with a new burst of confidence in her heart and her loyal friend at her side, Eowyn returned home. To her utter relief, no one seemed to talk about the Bunny Incident much. In fact, they acted as if everything were normal. And if they didn't, well then who the _heck _cared?! She was Eowyn, Daughter of Kings, Shieldmaiden of Rohan. She was no man! And _nobody_ messed with her! Whoohoo!

Fin


End file.
